Field Trip
by Brennan4
Summary: What happens' when Dick's class goes on a field trip to Arkham Asylum? The answer is : " Pretty much rip-of Die Hard."
1. Chapter 1

Dick listened closely through the door. He couldn't tell what Bruce was saying, but didn't care. All he needed to know was whether Bruce was still talking. He fumbled nervously with his envelope as he waited for Bruce to finish his conference call. He briefly imagined what it would be like if Artemis or Babs could see him. After all the time they joked about how "cartoonishly" bold and carefree he could be, here he was, afraid to get a field trip permission slip signed.

Then again, they didn't have to get it signed by _the Batman. _And it wasn't exactly a normal field trip either.

Finally Bruce hung up. Dick lightly knocked on the door and let himself in. "Hey, I've got a permission slip for you to sign. I need it for an A.P. Psychology field trip."

Dick slowly walked in and handed Bruce the envelope casually. He didn't think his attempts to make this seem insignificant we're working, but he had to try.

"Where are you going?" Bruce didn't even look at the envelope, instead staring into Dick's eyes.

"Arkham Asylum." Dick answered sheepishly. When Bruce raised an eyebrow, he quickly added, "It's for our chapter on treatment of severe disorders. The teacher said it's important to see advanced psychological care in person."

"I'm not sure I feel comfortable about this." Bruce shook his head, prompting Dick to frown.

"Oh, come on! It's safe. We won't be straying past the low security zones."

Bruce's gaze became distant. "It's not that. Arkham is...complicated. It has a way of getting into your head. Especially because you know so many of the people locked up there." Bruce sighed and put the letter down.

"You put more of them there then me, and you go all the time. You're even on the _parole board._" Dick immediately regretted his harsh tone, but refused to back down.

"It's more than that. I'm not sure you're ready for the kind of effect that place has on people," replied Bruce

"How do you expect me to get ready for it if you never expose me to it?"

Bruce cracked a slight smile. A very, _very _slight smile. "Okay, you win. I'll sign the form."

* * *

"Hey you guys excited for the field trip?" asked Carrie as the class walked towards the bus.

"Sure, but probably not as excited as you clearly are." Dick envied Carrie Kelly's upbeat attitude, something that was rare in Gotham. Although his cheerfulness was sometimes a front to hide how he really felt, Carrie's was genuine. He wished more of his classmates could be like her.

Especially Helena Bertinelli, who looked like she had just rolled out of her bed and landed on a sleeping jaguar. "Please. We're just going to some nuthouse. Whatever the media says, this place is just for creeps who want attention. The _real _monsters stay on the street."

"You would know." muttered a kid Dick didn't recognize as he passed them by. Helena stuck out her foot and tripped him, sending him face first into the mulch. She laughed and kept walking. Although Dick thought the front he hid behind was obvious, Helena's was even less subtle. Her family's mob connections clearly messed with her social skills.

They all shuffled onto the bus and scrambled to find seats with people they liked. To Dick's dismay, Babs and Artemis sat together, meaning he couldn't sit next to either. He briefly wondered if Artemis brought her suit and quiver. He knew Babs brought hers, and he could feel his utility belt through his backpack.

Dick found an unoccupied seat and sat down. For a moment it looked as if nobody would be sitting next to him. Then a gaunt, crooked boy walked up to him.

"Mind if I sit with you?" asked the boy, adjusting his purple eyeglasses as he did so.

"Not really," answered Dick, though he honestly would prefer if he didn't. Dick found Alberto Falcone to be somewhat unpleasant, but felt bad for him. Like Helena and many of the Academy's other students, his family had long been suspected of participating in organized crime. While this background caused Helena to act confrontational, it made Alberto reserved and a bit creepy.

"How was your weekend?" asked Dick, in the vain hope that Alberto would respond to small talk.

"It was pretty good. Dad was away again." Alberto muttered. "Hey, did you see the new episode of _Dexter_? It was so good. You'll never guess what this one guy did with the bodies…"

Dick shook his head and gave an insincere smile. He did not share the older boy's taste in entertainment, which tended to be bizarre and violent. Dick got enough bizarreness and violence in his life as Robin. He didn't want more. Alberto, on the other hand, couldn't get enough.

The bus ride was long and pretty painful. Dick listened to Alberto drone on about serial killers for much longer than he felt possible. He nodded and pretended to listen and shot glances back at Artemis and Babs every now and again. The two were talking enthusiastically and regularly burst out into laughter. He wished he was next to one of them, having a good time. Being with an attractive crime fighter had benefits too, especially during the intense hormonal state he was experiencing.

No matter what, it had to be better than listening to an underweight creep monologue about grisly murders.

Finally, the bus reached the infamous gates of the asylum. The main building sat on top of a hill. Dick remembered that the main building had been built around some rich lady's house. The place looked like the least appropriate environment to rehabilitate the mentally ill. That was probably part of why the patients never got better.

* * *

The class filed out of the bus. Mrs. McGillicuddy addressed the entire class one last time before they entered the building. "Please remember that security will be confiscating your belongings while we are inside the building. You will get them back after the trip is over."

Barbara raised her had. Before the teacher had time to acknowledge her, she asked, "How are we supposed to take notes?"

Mrs. McGillicuddy answered, "We'll review everything when we get back."

Dick walked up behind Bans and gave her a good-natured elbow nudge. "What are you worried about, you have a photographic memory?"

As he said it, his voice cracked noticeably. This had been happening more and more lately. Artemis and Barbara burst into tears.

"God, you're even worse than Wally was," said Artemis. "Puberty will not be kind to you."

Dick pouted. "It may be bad now, but just you wait and see. In a few years it will all pay off. I'll be an amazingly attractive, perfect human specimen. More than I already am, of course. And I'll be taller than Wally."

"He'll never be the same it you outgrow him." Artemis smiled at the thought. Wally had been teasing Dick about his height for so long that this had probably never occurred to him. "At least Zee won't have to kneel next to you when you take photos together." She deadpanned.

Dick decided not to dignify that with a response, and the whole class entered the asylum together. A hushed awe came over most of the students. Helena was completely undated, but Alberto looked like a kid in a candy shop. They passed through a lengthy security checkpoint and underwent all manners of scans. The white-clad guards took all of their backpacks. Dick felt a twang of worry as he found himself separated from his utility belt for the first time in months.

A white clad doctor approached them. A thin smile grew on her pale face. "Hello, I'm Doctor Quinzel. I'll be your guide today. Welcome to the Elizabeth Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane."


	2. Chapter 2

To Barbara, the most intimidating feature of the asylum so far were the hallways. They seemed designed to miles, and she imagined that navigating this building every day must be a nightmare for those who worked and lived there. It hardly seemed therapeutic. If anything, it probably induced terror in damage minds. Eventually she decided to ask Dr. Quinzel about it and raised her hand.

"The house was built by Elizabeth Arkham, whose husband, Jeremiah, was an arms contractor." Dr. Quinzel explained. "She believed that the ghosts of those killed by the the bullets her husband built were haunting her. She constantly made additions to the house in the hope that the twisting layout would confuse evil spirits. This actually made it much simpler to convert the house into a mental hospital after she died. "

Barbara felt a bit uncomfortable as they continued the tour of the building in relative silence. Dr. Quinzel had an unsettlingly cheery attitude that clashed dramatically with their surroundings. She had a bright, cheerful smile and an upbeat tone of voice that didn't seem to belong in a building devoted to madness.

Another figure in a white coat approached the class, a clipboard tucked under his arm.

"This is Dr. Cavendish, one of the head psychologists here at Arkham." said Dr. Quinzel.

"Thank you for introducing me Harleen," said Dr. Cavendish. "I don't have too much time to spare, but does anyone have any questions for me?"

Helena's hand shot up. "Are you the guy who replaced the Scarecrow?"

Cavendish frowned. "If you're referring to Professor Crane, yes. I did replace him, and he is actually one of my patients now. I'm afraid I can't say anything more on that subject."

"He seems like a happy." Babara turned around to see Dick looking down at her. It was an unusual sensation, since she was always used to looking down on him. The boy had climbed atop a bust of Amadeus Arkham when nobody was looking.

"Better than Quinzel, who looks way too happy to be here."

"I think I read that she's the one assigned to looking after the Joker. Maybe his charming personality has rubbed off on her."

"I hope not," said Barbara. "And get down from there, monkey-child."

Dick smiled petulantly. "Make me. You know what they say, you can take the boy out of the circus..."

"This whole building was built to ward off ghosts. You can't just go climbing around on it!" said Barbara in a harsh whisper.

"Says who?" said Dick, his boyish grin growing wider.

Suddenly, Helena yelled, "Mrs. McGillicuddy, Grayson's climbing on stuff again!"

The teacher gave Dick a stern look and he reluctantly descended from his perch.

The class continued on the tour. They came to a cross-shaped intersection in the hallway. At the end was a foreboding gate with heavy industrial locks.

"Over there is the maximum security wing," explained Dr. Quinzel. "That's where we house the patients who are deemed likely to escape and pose a danger to themselves or others. We won't be going though there, for obvious security reasons."

A couple students sighed simultaneously in disappointment. A stark frown grew on Alberto's face.

"Now, over here is the recreational center," Dr. Quinzel continued. "Here patients exercise and relieve stress."

They kept walking, and eventually even Barbara found herself getting bored. Quinzel's disconcertingly upbeat attitude made it hard to care about anything she said. The intern had a tendency to sugarcoat some of the darker sides of the asylum, making the whole trip feel like a perverse theme park rather than a mental hospital.

Suddenly, there was a loud, booming sound, followed by alarm klaxons. Red light filled the halls and a hushed wave of panic descended over the students.

"There's no need to worry," said Dr. Cavendish, desperately trying to reassure the students, if not himself. "Whatever's going on, I'm sure security has this under control. They deal with this kind of thing all the time."

As if on cue, the sound of terrified screams rang out from across the building, only slightly muffled by the thick walls. The students huddled together in a corner and waited. Nobody dared venture away from the group. They stood in silence for a few minutes, their inner thoughts drowned out by the alarms. Then they heard the laughing.

It was a laugh everybody had heard on the news. A throaty, high-pitched laugh. There was something almost alien about it. it lacked the emotion and mirth usually associated with laugher. The laughing grew closer and closer until a gaunt man with pale skin and green hair approached. he held a switchblade in his right hand.

"Hiya, kiddos!" His perpetual smile held the same emotional depth as his laughter. "I'm pleased to say your field trip just got a lot more interesting. The fun has arrived."

In the corner of her eye, Barbara saw Dick trying to slip off unnoticed. He had avoided the Joker's gaze so far, Barbara held onto a fleeting hope that he might make it. That hope was shattered when a man with bandages covering his face grabbed onto Dick's collar.

"Hello, Richard." His voice was muffled by the bandages, which strained as his lips moved.

"He-hello Dr. Elliot." said Dick, his voice lacking his usual confidence.

"Please, you can call me Tommy, like Bruce does. Or like the newspapers, you could go with 'Hush' or 'the Identity Thief Killer'. Take your pick. I don't really care. Names and faces are meaningless these days."

Hush pulled Dick along and pushed him in with the rest of the students. The boy shot a disappointed look towards Barbara.

More men wearing Arkham's maroon jumpsuits emerged out of the shadows. She recognized them all from the news, her Dad's files, or personal experience.

Harvey "Two-Face" Dent had torn his jumpsuit to shreds on one side, but left the other immaculately cleaned and pressed in an attempt to reflect his scarred face. The former district Attorney was flipping his trademark coin in the air and muttering to himself. An assault rifle, presumably taken from one of the guards, was slung across his back.

Jervis Tetch, a small, ratty man who believed himself to be the Mad Hatter from _Alice in Wonderland _stood next to Dent, a .38 revolver in his hand. Atop his head was a comically large green top hat.

The largest man had to be Waylon Jones, a.k.a. Killer Croc. The massive man's skin condition had been altered by some sort of mutagen, leaving him looking like more of a reptile than a man. He gnashed his needle-like teeth at a handful of students, who cowered in fear.

The last member of the escapee was wearing an unfastened straightjacket. The long sleeved torn at the end by the scythe-like claws the man was wearing. Jonathan Crane, psychiatrist turned psychopath, was hidden behind a burlap sack wrapped around a gas mask.

"I assume you recognize most of us from the news and whatnot, so I'll skip the introductions." said the Joker. "Thank to a well-placed explosion and Dr. Crane's fear gas, we are pleased to present an... _interactive _element to your educational experience. Today you all get a first-hand look at the psychological dynamics of hostage situations. Sound like fun?"

Nobody spoke and the Joker chuckled to himself.

Please," stammered Dr. Cavendish. "These students mean nothing to you. Let them go, and the Police will be more willing to negotiate."

"Shut up." murmured Hush. He aimed a black pistol at the psychiatrist and fired.

Barbara's ears rang. She wasn't used to hearing gunfire up so close in such a confined area. A trickle of blood emerged from the hole between his eyes as his corpse fell to the ground.

"He always was a terrible doctor. I'll miss him." Mock sadness filled Joker's voice as he had to keep himself from giggling. He ultimately failed, and cackled like a hyena for a good twenty seconds straight.

Mad Hatter slipped between the student, unnoticed in the commotion, and snuck up behind Artemis. he ran his fingers through her golden hair, prompting her to gasp.  
In a raspy voice, he said, "ShE iS mY aLiCe. ShE mUsT cOmE wItH mE."

He pulled her by her ponytail. At first she struggled until he pressed his pistol into her cheek. He dragged her into a staircase and shut the door behind them.

"In my professional opinion, it is for the best to allow Mad Hatter to act on his own." said Scarecrow.

Joker shrugged. "We don't really need him anyway." the clown turned back to the student's and said, "Who wants to play truth or Dare?"

Barbara kept her eyes on the locked door to the staircase. After a few minutes, she saw a bright flash through the window and heard a gunshot.


	3. Chapter 3

Artemis's absolute favorite book was _Alice in Wonderland. _The stories Lewis Carroll wrote were a rare source of bonding with her old sister. She could remember before Jade had become the cold, cruel person she was today, when they would read the book together. At the time Jade acted like she was to old for it, and was just reading it for Artemis. But Artemis knew the truth, that Jade enjoyed the book just as much a she did, if not more. Perhaps the idea of escaping to a magical world without rules or order appealed to Jade.

It clearly appealed to Jervis Tetch. The man was muttering something about Alice as he prodded Artemis with his revolver. Artemis felt a bit sick when she saw Jade had based her persona as an assassin on the Chesire Cat. Tetch took it a step further. His eyes were distant, as if he couldn't even see the real world anymore. His outfit looked unkept, clearly stuck in the evidence locker for too long. His gigantic hat was torn at the brim. He was a perfect picture of madness, and Artermis was trapped in a starewell with him.

Artemis knew that timing was going to be key in order to pull this off. She had to get away from the other criminals and the hostages. If Two-Face or Hush could see her, they would shoot her dead without -Face would have flipped a coin first, but she didn't want to take those chances.

She had no idea where the Mad Hatter was taking her, and had no intention of finding out. She listened to the patterns of his steps. Tetch was a short amn, and had to take the stairs one at a time. HE had to move even slower to keep the revovler aimed at her. She waited until she heard his first foot touch the step, then swung back her leg before the second foot could follow. The Hatter's foot got caught on her shin as she swept him off balance. Artemis sidestepped, allowing the Hatter to fall in front of her.

Tetch tumbled down the stairs intil he hit a wall. He turned up at Artemis and raised his gun. He fired too late, as Artemis was already sliding down the banister towards him. The shot echoed throughout the confines of the staircase. Artemis was momentarily stunned by the soudn, but kept her focus on the target. As she slid towards him, she stretched out her foot and kicked him in the jaw. Tetch went crashing back into the wall.

Artemis kicked the gun away before the Mad Hatter could grab it again. He howled in impotent rage and charged at her. Artemis blocked his grip with her elbows and drove her shin into his gut. He grunted and his body went slack. Artemis grabbed him by the overcoat and slamed his tiny body against the rails, knocking him out for good.

* * *

"Alright, who's next for Truth or Dare?" said the Joker, leering at the students as he walked by them one at a time.

"Go die in a fire, freak," said Helena, earning an exasperated sigh from Barbera. Helena's aggressive attituted could become a real danger if they weren't careful.

"Why don't you go next, Harvey boy?"

Two-Face rummaged through his pocket. "I'll need my coin."

Hush groaned. "I can't believe you people. I don't know what's worse, the fact that the clown thinks this is a slumber party game or that you guys are going along with him."

He rubbed his bandaged head in his hands. "How did I ever get stuck with you people?"

Scarecrow looked up from his notepad to say," It probably has something to do with the whole serialkiller thing. The GCPD frown on that, for some reason."

"Shut up, or I'll shoot you like I shot Cavendish."

Joker clapped his hands together with excitement. "By the way, we should really do somehting about Dr. Dead Body over there huh? Hey, Harvey, that's gonna be your dare. Go show the corpse to the police to let them know we're not joking. At least, not more than usual."

Hush let out another groan at that last line. After flipping his coin, Two-Face lifted the body over his shoulder, slinging his assualt rifle over his back.

As he left, Scarecrow said, "By the way let us know if you see the Mad Hatter. He's been gone a while."

Killer Croc growled, "That's a good point, actually. It won't be long until the Bat shows up."

DIck and Barbera glanced knowingly at each other. Batman was off-world on a mission with the Justice League. Nobody would be coming to save them any time soon. They would have to save themselves.

* * *

It didn't take long for Artemis to find the security checkpoint where this fiasoc of a field trip began. Although the hallways were as disorienting as they were intended to be, all Artemis had to do was backtrack. Her father had trained her well in orienteering. Sportsmaster's little "lessons" came in handy for all sorts of superhero activities.

She sifted through the backpacks until she found her own. She was glad that her foresight had told her to bring her costume, a small crossbow, and a single quiver. She hoped Dick and Babs ahd thought aheadas weel. Luckily enought, both ofn them brought a spare costume and utility belt.

She could see the sirens of the police blockade outside. Unfotunately, the door was sealed tight, it's metal frame to thick for even her explosive tipped arrows.

She had to come up with a plan. Seh was hopelessly outnumbered and outgunned. Her priority ahd to be the hostages' safety. THe best she could hope for was that a blitz attack would give the students enough time to crawl away. Maybe then she could reunite with Dick and Babs, then take the creeps head on.

It was a long shot, but she didn't have any other options.

* * *

"Well, this is the point where the hostage scenario gets a bit _boring,_" said the Joker. "At this point we're just waiting for the police and or Batman. And since Tommy dearest dealt with Cavendish, I can't kill any of you to establish a threat. Any of you have any good ideas on how to pass the time?"

"How about jumping out windows. You try it first," said Helena.

Joker leaned in close and whispered in her ear. "You know, you're the only one here who's even slightly funny. I'll save you for second-to-last."

Dr. Quinzel tried in vain to calm the other stuedents down. "If we do what they say, they'll probably let us live. They don't have a reason to kill us right now."

"Why would I need a reason?" said the Joker as he brandished his switchblade.

"That's all I needed to hear." Alberto's voice came from the back of the room, quiet but stern. A small pistol wavered in his hand. "I think this has gone about far enough."

Joker laughed, more out of surprise than anything else. "Where did you even get that?"

"I picked it up off one of the dead guards while you weren't looking. Now let us go or I'll shoot."

To Be Continued


End file.
